Redefining Us: A Reclusive Novel by Harloe Rae

Author:Harloe Rae [Rae, Harloe]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Redefining Us
Publisher: Harloe Rae
Published: 2017-05-25T16:00:00+00:00

* * *

I can’t believe this shit.

My head is throbbing as I clutch it between my palms in an attempt to shut down the persistent badgering. The constant pounding in my skull won’t fucking quit.

I can’t concentrate, definitely can’t sleep, and I’m stressed as fuck that the voices are going to start back up.

Since I’m a fucking wimp, I’m currently holed up in the shed in order to keep a bit of distance between us. These commanding urges are persuading me back to the house but I stamp them down with the last of my control. Practically every piece of me believes hiding out here is a horrible idea and my mind is quickly losing the battle.

I’m trying to stay fucking strong but the pull is powerful.

When Willow and I got back after our time in the woods, I wasn’t sure what to do. Thankfully I didn’t have to panic for long. She provided me with an escape by taking a shower. I used the lull to gather my tattered thoughts. Then the water blasted on and I began picturing Willow getting naked. It was too fucking close to my fantasy the other day.

My entire body was locked up tight. I was tense, agitated, and sweating as the chaos from our evening continued spinning. I hated being out of control. Spending the night separated from her would be best for both of us.

I waited in the kitchen until Willow was out of the bathroom. As soon as she emerged, I stammered out my plan and practically sprinted out of the house. I didn’t miss pinch of her eyebrows and the frown marring her gorgeous face but I couldn’t handle exposing more of my demented shit than I already had.

The hallucinations and nightmares are the worst. I usually wake up worn the fuck out, so I probably thrash around like mad. I never want to know what that insanity looks like to a spectator.

Now it’s the middle of the fucking night and I’ve been lying here wide-awake for hours.

Obsessing.

Panicking.

Conflicted.

Overreacting.

Tormented.

Irritated.

Freaking the fuck out.

I’m shocked the darkness hasn’t come for me yet but I figure it’s only a matter of time. The more drained and exhausted I am, the easier it is for the haunting shit to take over. I’m trying like hell to refuse my incessant infatuation with Willow.

She is going to leave me, just like everyone else, which is what I deserve. I’m destined to be alone but I want to give in and feel her warmth. Even for a little while.

I’m weak and pathetic.

I’m not capable of staying away. It goes against every instinct inside me. I’m fucking cursed and Willow is determined to screw up my resistance. I desperately crave the calm Willow injects into my system. I predicted this unhealthy attachment after she touched me yesterday. She is slowly, but very surely, dismantling all the protective defenses I’ve sufficiently been using.

In addition to the driving need to be near her, I have an irrational fear that something terrible will happen to Willow.

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